Finding myself

I sit and wonder,
If maybe I shouldn't be here.
I look at myself,
And wonder if maybe I deserve to die.
I sit and wonder,
If maybe,
Everyone will be better off without me.
Will I truly ever be happy?
Will I ever have love once again?
Will I ever love again?
Then I look at little Dee, Mariam n Salim,
And I see the innocence and trust.
I know that there is always some kind of love for me.
Such a tiny babies,
When they were born,
Now so long.
I know they love me
In the way that only children can love.
I look at my family,
My best friends,
And I see their love for me.
And I know that they will shed tears for me
Should I leave this world?
I look at my mother,
And wonder
What she would do without me
If I leave before her.
Then I look at Zuaf,
And know that he to cares for me.
I know that he would feel the pain,
Like know one else,
Because that is him.
Then I once again look at myself.
I see what I can be,
With a little time and patience.
I know now that I have a bright future.
I hope and pray for Allah's guidance.
I have received it.
I am happy.
I am content.
I am,
Me.
I know that now.
I know that
My family, friends, enemies and Zuaf will stand next to me,
Making me happy.
I know that my mother
Will help me through all
The hard ships that are to come.
I know that Allah is next to me,
Whispering words of encouragement
As I walk down my chosen path.
I know that I have truly been blessed.
I have found myself,
Have you?

Blessed 2011